Oh, to be a teenager again – the endless opportunities, first crushes, figuring yourself out, no back and knee pain.
But for some it also meant dealing with strict parents and not being able to go out as much as their peers – if my mum and dad said “no”, that meant “no”.
But a parenting expert has revealed the potential dangers of giving your daughters too firm boundaries to live by – and they could even be life-threatening.
Aly Pain, from California, warned parents on her TikTok channel, which has attracted almost half a million followers.
In a video, Aly explained the importance of being flexible when there are disagreements between parents and daughters – revealing that she had grown up with strict parents, and had subsequently suffered because of this.
“Parents of daughters, if you’re in the frame of mind where parenting is absolute authority, your word is the last word, there’s no room for talking back or speaking up, their opinions aren’t welcome, you’ve laid down the boundaries and rules and that’s how it’s going to roll, let’s project that into the future for a moment when they date,” she said.
The expert, who helps “parents end painful disconnection with their teens”, then asked her viewers to imagine how their daughter, now fully afraid to speak up, will let men treat her.
“I started dating cuz I was looking for love in all the wrong places and never found it,” she explained.
Aly, who is now happily married to winter Olympian Jeff Pain, said that when she was younger she had never realised she was allowed to set boundaries with men.
“That’s right,” she explained
“This isn’t about not giving myself permission or too scared to set up a boundary – I literally didn’t know I had permission to set a boundary with men.”
As a troubled teen, Aly suffered from eating disorders and anxiety and believed her parents had the final say over her life and her body.
“And I couldn’t speak up or talk back to them,” she added.
“You know why?” she asked.
“Cuz that’s how I was raised!”
Aly explained that she believes that if a young girl doesn’t have permission to take part in a dialogue or disagree with her parents, she will find it difficult to use her voice in the real world.
And many of Aly’s viewers agreed with her, saying they’d been in the same position when they were younger.
“Yepppp. This was so damaging for me,” one claimed.
Another user said of her current relationship with parents: “The thing is if I speak up I get dismissed or ridiculed.”
“Oh the accuracy of this,” wrote one viewer. “She believes that she’s not deserving of basic respect and boundaries, she doesn’t know.”
And another added: “Ahh. The emotional intelligence. I wish more parents got this…”
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