The most iconic scene of the beloved Barbie movie is Gloria’s monologue. The actor, America Ferrara, speaks to the social pressures of being a woman in America. Men also experience pressures from society, but in different ways because of how our gender and society in America perceive what a man is.
What are the societal pressures for men?
Men are socially pressured to be the breadwinner. A study shows that 76% of men feel pressured to provide for their families financially. This concept makes men focused on how to earn money.
“Even before marriage, men should be the ones to pay for dates or buy flowers. If they fail to do this, they are branded as unromantic and rude.”
Also, men should not be sensitive and emotional, and only want sex, but also embody a strong sense of mental health according to an article from the MindShift Wellness Center. These misconceptions are very toxic because they can lead to men expressing themselves through anger and violence against themselves or other people. Men who succumb to these social pressures can also suppress this through harmful vices such as alcohol and drugs.
Due to the fear of being seen as less of a man, more than 50% of men in the US aged 18 to 34 have avoided talking about their problems according to an article from PR Newswire.
“Although we’ve made great strides in understanding the challenges in men’s mental health and the importance of speaking up, especially when you’re struggling, it’s concerning that young men still feel influenced by dated masculine stereotypes,’ said Brendan Maher, Movember’s Global Mental Health Director.”
The reason why this is concerning is due to the isolation, frustration, and emotional toll men can have when they don’t fit into a traditional box, according to an article from VeryWellMind. Our societal expectations create a whole host of issues for men’s mental health. Men have tremendous pressure to stay within the societal walls of what it means to “be a man,” according to an article from Life Enrichment Resources, PLLC.
How are the social pressures of being a man being viewed by men?
Society puts so much pressure on men to provide and to be successful in their careers.
A few men speak on those pressures in an article from Unimed Living. The first one is Bernie Cincotta as he felt the pressure to be “manly.”
To Cincotta being a man meant the following:
- Being derogatory towards gay men and women to exhibit “superiority”
- Show no signs of sensitivity, caring, or compassion
- Talking in derogatory manner toward women to exhibit the “superior gender”
- To not open up, internalize feelings, be stoic, logical, and unfeeling
Another man, James Stanfield, wrote that he saw “..that there was a constant internal battle taking place between choosing what I felt was truth in my body, or aligning to what was going on around me.” He was often altering his behavior to be accepted in society and by those around him.
He further explained that when you are the best in your field, or the most successful, then you are required to show no vulnerabilities, in addition to not being challenged or picked on by others just for being the best.
Lastly, I, myself, have always been teased for not acting like my gender to the point where people around me have questioned my sexuality based on my taste of music. The music that I listen to consists of female artists, in addition to male artists too. I believe some people assume it’s because I relate deeply to their perspectives on female identity.
However, that is not the case. I have gradually opened my mind to music that speaks to experiences that I do not have. I enjoy perspective-taking and the humanistic emotions that artists like SZA, Summer Walker, or Kehlani invoke with their music which is what I relate to.
Are men still chastised for behaving outside their traditional roles?
Yes. An article from Harvard Business Review explains this idea. Research demonstrates that much the same way women face unfair backlash effects for being more masculine or not feminine enough, men similarly face backlash for not adhering to masculine gender stereotypes.
Men get penalized for showing the human emotions that women “typically” show such as empathy, kindness, vulnerability, modesty, or feminism.
For example, empathy is a very crucial trait in good leaders, but women usually receive more credit than their male counterparts. This notion, while supported by research, is harmful. The danger lies in the fact that men who demonstrate empathy as leaders risk derailing their careers. The derailment of your career could mean difficulty gaining promotions while building and leading teams, as well as failure in meeting business goals and objectives, and more.
Overall, there is a relationship between the empathy of male leaders and their potential career derailment.
Another example is vulnerability. Men can be penalized when they challenge the notion of being vulnerable, by even just asking for help. They are viewed as less competent, confident, and capable in addition to being perceived as being lower in status because they have expressed a vulnerability. This toxic socialization discourages men from seeking help and acknowledging areas where they can improve for the better.
Next, in an article from Big Think, Richard Reeves wrote about an incident at Bethesda Chevy Chase High School, just outside of Washington DC, where a boy created a list of his female classmates ranked by physical attractiveness. He shared this list with his other male classmates, who then discussed and expanded their opinions about it.
A girl witnessed this on a boy’s laptop and that led to more girls knowing about this list. The boy who created it was reprimanded and given detention. This event caused an uproar of protesting, “It was the last straw, for us girls, of this ‘boys will be boys’ culture,” one of the young women involved told the Washington Post.”
As a result, large meetings were held to discuss the schools’ culture, the creator of the list apologized to the girls personally, and two female students who were connected to the list participated in a panel discussion with their principal about this issue on C-SPAN.
In the article, Reeves’ problem with this reaction to the issue is how the media portrayed this issue as “toxic masculinity” instead of offering solutions on how to combat this prevalent cultural issue. He explains that this type of branding “Rather than drawing boys into a dialogue about what lessons can be learned, it is much more likely to send them to the online manosphere where they will be reassured that they did nothing wrong, and that liberals are out to get them,”
This article even states that few boys and men may not react well to the idea of their own toxicity needing to be exorcized out of them. However, there are always two sides to any opinion or story so there may be people out there who find no problem with the incident and just think that incidents like those above are a part of life.
What does this mean?
In other words, both genders are pressured to behave within the social construct of their respective genders. It is literally impossible to be a man. It is literally impossible to be a woman. The reason why is because of “contradiction.” Society punishes girls for not acting like girls, but then they are still supposed to act like girls in the midst of female empowerment. For boys, they are pressured to behave like a “man,” but that idea self-limits their potential as a human. Punishment comes in forms of other people criticizing, teasing, or even being verbally, or god forbid physically abusive to an individual, which can take a mental toll on anyone.
I propose a solution which is to just be yourself. This is easier said than done. J. Cole would even ask his audience, “Are you running from something with hopes of becoming someone that’s finally worthy of love. Let me tell you now, you’re worthy enough. Fuck approval from strangers, that shit is dangerous as hell. Find God, learn to accept yourself…” in a song called AfricAryaN with Logic as the lead artist.
Additionally, we need to talk about this topic in schools, media, and any other institutions of learning. These discussions, of what makes a woman and a man in America, will benefit us because it will bring society more together, especially in terms of how we can relate to each other. We need to talk more about solutions on how to change this mindset and go from there.
Featured Image: Photo by Christopher Ott on Unsplash
Edited by Abbigail Earl
